friends invisible

Yesterday my 3 1/2 year old daughter met a new friend Bob. She and Bob played with her little ponies, dolls and even played dress up. Bob got sick, so she made him soup. They played for hours. Throughout the day my daughter would come up to me and tell me what she and Bob were doing. I never actually saw Bob- he is her new imaginary friend.

Rachel Simpson wrote a wonderful article, Imaginary Friends, Revealed, in which she discusses imaginary friends. She cites both Dr. Benjamin Spock and Professor Marjorie Taylor.

About 65% of children have or had imaginary friends. For many years, people believed Dr. Spock's idea that imaginary friends "raises the question of whether his real life is satisfying enough" Spock went as far as to say, " If a child is living largely in his imagination and not adjusting well with other children, especially by the age of 4, a psychiatrist should be able to find what he is lacking."

Thankfully, this isn't the belief today. Psychology professor Marjorie Taylor, of the University of Oregon debunks many negative beliefs of imaginary friends in her book, "Imaginary Companions and the Children Who Create Them." She states that, "Very often adults think there is some deficit in a child's life that sparks the creation of imaginary friends, but that isn't necessarily true."

Playing with imaginary friends is just that, playtime. "For many children," Taylor reports, "creating imaginary others is just a fun thing to do."

Children with imaginary friends do not lack social skills. Taylor says these children "tend to be more sociable and to have more friends than other children."

I agree with Taylor. It is a healthy form of imaginative play. And is a positive stage in child development. I will continue to enjoy hearing about Bob's adventures with my daughter. It is an important part of her childhood, and it will strengthen her imagination.

For more on imagination, here is a Little Sapling Toys post about make believe: The Power of Make Believe

A few more articles on imaginary friends I enjoyed reading:

Imaginary Friends, Any in Your House?

Are Imaginary Companions Good for Kids?

Imaginary Friends Help Children Learn

color coded eating

For a fun meal or snack, fill colored bowls with corresponding colored food.  Children can help you find and eat the matching food while you talk about colors, aspects of food, size, health, safety and so on.  Simple variety in the daily meal routine can be a beneficial addition to the time you spend and relationship with your children.

Here is a great succinct list from pbs.org about kids and food:

• Children eat at their own pace and some eat more than others do.
• Avoid tying food together with behavior either as a reward or a punishment.
• Eating should be a shared and cooperative experience with foods served family style. Meals should be a time to chat, enjoy and help each other.
• Mealtimes are opportunities for children to be independent by making choices about foods.
• Encourage children to taste everything but be careful not to force them to eat.
  ( from http://www.pbs.org/wholechild/providers/little.html) 

games outside

In honor of the change of season, here are some classic outdoor games:

• Duck Duck Goose
• Simon Says
• Red Rover
• Races
• Charades
• Jump Rope
• Freeze
• Peek-a-boo
• Red Light, Green Light
• Hopscotch
• Mother May I
• Kick the Can
• Capture the Flag
• Follow the Leader
• Hide-and-Seek
• Leap Frog
• London Bridge
• Ring Around the Rosies
• King of the Mountain
• Tug-of-War
• Hot Potato
• Fruit Basket
• Love Your Neighbor
• Baby, If You Love Me
• Dodge Ball
• Musical Chairs
• Keep Away
• Sardines
• Four Square
• Tag (Freeze, Partner, Tunnel, TV Tag)

messy

My mom's best parenting advice is "if they play with it longer than it takes to clean up, let 'em."  This statement has obvious implied limits, but I have found it an extremely helpful reminder.  So my kids finger paint with ketchup, cover the kitchen floor with flour and transfer water between pots and pans for hours.  Just not at the same time.

free play

At 6:05pm last Tuesday night, my three year old became a kitten. For 30 minutes she crawled around the house meowing. Scampering between my husband and me, she nudged our legs and laid on our feet. She meowed and purred as we "pet" her head and scratched behind her ears. This brought back fond memories of second grade recess. My friends and I would pretend we were unicorns. We had grand adventures, eluding hunters and going on quests for treasures.

Not only is make-believe a fantastic childhood past time, it is vital to the development of children. Alix Spiegel wrote a wonderful article in which he discusses how make believe becomes a powerful device in building self-discipline. During make-believe, children engage in "private speech: They talk to themselves about what they are going to do and how they are going to do it. " This speech later becomes a necessary tool in problem solving as adults. We often use it "to surmount obstacles, to master cognitive and social skills, and to manage our emotions." 
Unfortunately, too often children's play is structure. Whether it is through organized leagues, lessons, computer games, Wii's or school activities. When a child is told how to "play," his/her imagination is not challenged. Essentially, the child uses less and less private speech. 

The best thing we can do for children is give them time for free play. Encourage them to use their imagination and play along with them when they do. In doing so, we will not only help make wonderful childhood memories, we will allow our children to succeed as adults.