sleep

When my first child was 6 weeks she would not sleep. Not during the day and never at night. I cried a lot those first 6 weeks. Then a friend suggested "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth. It changed my life.

A few things I learned and love about this book:

*Every child is different so it is imperative that I understand my baby's sleep needs. I have to watch for cues she gives as she is getting tired. When my 3 year old has a meltdown, I obviously missed her sleep cues she gave an hour previous.

*Sleep begets sleep. This was eye opening for me. When my baby (newborn to 12 months) would take a longer afternoon nap, I still put her to bed between 6-630. She would go back to sleep easier and would sleep all night. On the flip side, Dr. Weissbluth writes, "Fatigue causes increased arousal. Therefore, the more tired your child, the harder it is for him to fall asleep, stay asleep, or both."

* If it is 5:30 pm and my 3 month old is cranky and crying, 9 times out of 10, she is tired. Putting her to bed as early as 5:30pm usually doesn't invoke an earlier wake up time (it never did with my babies).

*Allowing my baby to learn self soothing skills was harder on me than it was on her. And it proved to be invaluable.

Check out his blog: weissbluthmethod.wordpress.com

Babble also posted a wonderful interview with Dr. Weissbluth. You can read it here.

letting children choose

I want my girls to be happy. I don't want them to experience some of the heartaches and disappointments I have seen in my life. I definitely don't want them making the same mistakes I did.

If I could just say to my girls "Jane, you will want to do A, B, and C. Never go near D and don't even think about E." Wouldn't it be wonderful if they would listen and follow my instructions exactly? Fortunately, they are individuals who want to explore and discover things on their own. Most likely they will forget about A and B, maybe do C, try out D and go straight for E. And that's OK. Throughout that process they will grow from their mistakes, just as I have grown from mine.

I've decided the best thing I can do for them is to fervently teach them right from wrong and then allow them to make their own decisions. They will love me for it, and I won't give myself an ulcer trying to control something I have no business controlling. So when my 2 year old is adamant about wearing bright orange and black cat printed pants with a blue and yellow flower shirt, I'll let her. Then I'll take a picture and post it on her Facebook page when she is 16.

friends invisible

Yesterday my 3 1/2 year old daughter met a new friend Bob. She and Bob played with her little ponies, dolls and even played dress up. Bob got sick, so she made him soup. They played for hours. Throughout the day my daughter would come up to me and tell me what she and Bob were doing. I never actually saw Bob- he is her new imaginary friend.

Rachel Simpson wrote a wonderful article, Imaginary Friends, Revealed, in which she discusses imaginary friends. She cites both Dr. Benjamin Spock and Professor Marjorie Taylor.

About 65% of children have or had imaginary friends. For many years, people believed Dr. Spock's idea that imaginary friends "raises the question of whether his real life is satisfying enough" Spock went as far as to say, " If a child is living largely in his imagination and not adjusting well with other children, especially by the age of 4, a psychiatrist should be able to find what he is lacking."

Thankfully, this isn't the belief today. Psychology professor Marjorie Taylor, of the University of Oregon debunks many negative beliefs of imaginary friends in her book, "Imaginary Companions and the Children Who Create Them." She states that, "Very often adults think there is some deficit in a child's life that sparks the creation of imaginary friends, but that isn't necessarily true."

Playing with imaginary friends is just that, playtime. "For many children," Taylor reports, "creating imaginary others is just a fun thing to do."

Children with imaginary friends do not lack social skills. Taylor says these children "tend to be more sociable and to have more friends than other children."

I agree with Taylor. It is a healthy form of imaginative play. And is a positive stage in child development. I will continue to enjoy hearing about Bob's adventures with my daughter. It is an important part of her childhood, and it will strengthen her imagination.

For more on imagination, here is a Little Sapling Toys post about make believe: The Power of Make Believe

A few more articles on imaginary friends I enjoyed reading:

Imaginary Friends, Any in Your House?

Are Imaginary Companions Good for Kids?

Imaginary Friends Help Children Learn

reading aloud

When you read aloud to a child, 3 major things happen:

1. You bond with that child and will create happy memories associated with reading.

This happens especially with young children. My 3 year old loves to snuggle up next to me with a book. When she is older and reflects on her childhood, one memory I want her to treasure is our moments reading together.

2. You are filling that child's brain with words, syntax, meaning and phrases they wouldn't get anywhere else.

Everyday language doesn't use the same words, syntax, or phrases you find in books. Reading aloud introduces a new unique vocabulary to children. Children will soak up that vocabulary and draw upon it later in life as they expand their education.

3. You are setting an example.

Children, no matter their age, look to adults for examples. They will justify actions based on an adults' actions. Reading is no different. When children see us read, we are giving them permission to also read. When we read for pleasure we are telling our children that reading is not just associated with drudging homework.

So go grab a book and read with your child! Explore the world of Hogwarts, woodworking, Greek myths, Alice's wonderland and the happily ever afters of fairy tales.

**Information obtained from "The Read Aloud Handbook" by Jim Trelease.

clingy

My 3 year old little girl loves to be around me. While it is wonderful to be loved so much, sometimes it can be a challenge when there are things that I need to accomplish by myself. If we are going anywhere, mom has to be the one who puts her in the car seat. Mom is the one who walks her down the stairs. If I go to get the mail, or take the garbage out, she wants to go with me. If I have to leave at night, I try to wait until after she is in bed. My husband says that once she realizes I am gone, she cries and cries. 
The only exception to this attachment is if she is playing with her friend. She has a friend who she often plays with, and could care less if I was around. It was perplexing to us that she would cry and throw a fit when I would leave her with my husband.

In looking for solutions, we were given some advice which has greatly helped. If you are in a similar situation, hopefully it will help you as well!

Special activities for Dad and Child around the house: We started small by him taking her outside to ride her bicycle in our driveway. In the beginning, I would look out from the window so she knew I was nearby.

Activities within short distances to home: After she became more comfortable with the bicycle riding, he took her for a walk around our block. He pointed out the different flowers and plants, which she loved.

Trips to places the child enjoys: After about a month of doing the previous 2 activities, they took a trip to McDonald's to get a happy meal. The trip lasted about 30 minutes, and she didn't cry for me once.

Start taking quick trips, leaving the child at home: I then started running 10-15 minute errands by myself. While I was gone they would read stories or he'd give her piggy-back rides.

All these little thing are building a stronger relationship between my daughter and husband. I am happy to say that it is getting easier to be separated from her. My husband enjoys the special times he has with her, she is getting closer to her dad and I am enjoying a little more freedom. I have a girl's night out coming up, and I am hopeful I will be able to leave before bedtime!

color coded eating

For a fun meal or snack, fill colored bowls with corresponding colored food.  Children can help you find and eat the matching food while you talk about colors, aspects of food, size, health, safety and so on.  Simple variety in the daily meal routine can be a beneficial addition to the time you spend and relationship with your children.

Here is a great succinct list from pbs.org about kids and food:

• Children eat at their own pace and some eat more than others do.
• Avoid tying food together with behavior either as a reward or a punishment.
• Eating should be a shared and cooperative experience with foods served family style. Meals should be a time to chat, enjoy and help each other.
• Mealtimes are opportunities for children to be independent by making choices about foods.
• Encourage children to taste everything but be careful not to force them to eat.
  ( from http://www.pbs.org/wholechild/providers/little.html) 

games outside

In honor of the change of season, here are some classic outdoor games:

• Duck Duck Goose
• Simon Says
• Red Rover
• Races
• Charades
• Jump Rope
• Freeze
• Peek-a-boo
• Red Light, Green Light
• Hopscotch
• Mother May I
• Kick the Can
• Capture the Flag
• Follow the Leader
• Hide-and-Seek
• Leap Frog
• London Bridge
• Ring Around the Rosies
• King of the Mountain
• Tug-of-War
• Hot Potato
• Fruit Basket
• Love Your Neighbor
• Baby, If You Love Me
• Dodge Ball
• Musical Chairs
• Keep Away
• Sardines
• Four Square
• Tag (Freeze, Partner, Tunnel, TV Tag)

messy

My mom's best parenting advice is "if they play with it longer than it takes to clean up, let 'em."  This statement has obvious implied limits, but I have found it an extremely helpful reminder.  So my kids finger paint with ketchup, cover the kitchen floor with flour and transfer water between pots and pans for hours.  Just not at the same time.

free play

At 6:05pm last Tuesday night, my three year old became a kitten. For 30 minutes she crawled around the house meowing. Scampering between my husband and me, she nudged our legs and laid on our feet. She meowed and purred as we "pet" her head and scratched behind her ears. This brought back fond memories of second grade recess. My friends and I would pretend we were unicorns. We had grand adventures, eluding hunters and going on quests for treasures.

Not only is make-believe a fantastic childhood past time, it is vital to the development of children. Alix Spiegel wrote a wonderful article in which he discusses how make believe becomes a powerful device in building self-discipline. During make-believe, children engage in "private speech: They talk to themselves about what they are going to do and how they are going to do it. " This speech later becomes a necessary tool in problem solving as adults. We often use it "to surmount obstacles, to master cognitive and social skills, and to manage our emotions." 
Unfortunately, too often children's play is structure. Whether it is through organized leagues, lessons, computer games, Wii's or school activities. When a child is told how to "play," his/her imagination is not challenged. Essentially, the child uses less and less private speech. 

The best thing we can do for children is give them time for free play. Encourage them to use their imagination and play along with them when they do. In doing so, we will not only help make wonderful childhood memories, we will allow our children to succeed as adults.